Sore wa himitsu desu
Thursday, February 20, 2003
Playlist:

this is something that everyone associated with me should know. When I say Go Away, i'm not rejecting you as an individual. It just means that I can't deal now, not that you, whoever you might be, are unwanted.

11:21 p.m.

Sore wa himitsu desu
Thursday, February 20, 2003
Playlist:

I do my best to help, and I get hurt and rejected for that from both family and friends. A simple sorry won't do when it happens over and over again. I refuse to deal with this. I try my best to not be a messed up person, because anyone else in my situation would have snapped long ago, but nobody is helping with the way they act. Call me hypocrite, will you? It's not like that's my fault. Call me nosy? Would you rather I didn't talk to you at all? Everyone feels so justified in throwing a little tantrum once in a little while, they feel so justified in keeping their little silences. At least when I'm not feeling good I warn others to watch out. I warn them when I'm not ready to talk about something. "It's not fair" has become my mantra for life. Life is not fair. So what? Deal with it. but it's not fair What can you do about it? why can't people understand? People refuse to understand. People refuse to see reason. If this is how people are going to be, I'd rather not talk to people at all. Go away, you. I don't need your shit on top of mine. but the least you could do is to have the courtesy to explain why

and FUCK YOU, 'Prior Claim'. Your existence is not fair to other people. even when i DO hold a prior claim myself, as tenuous as it is

forever living in someone's shadow
11:09 p.m.

Sore wa himitsu desu
Thursday, February 20, 2003
Playlist:

I hate people. Yes. You know who you are. You piss me off. All of you. No, shut up, I don't even want to hear it. Fuck off. I'm not in a mood to deal with you.

10:59 p.m.

Sore wa himitsu desu
Thursday, February 20, 2003
Playlist: [none]

You're depressed. Really you are. And you
definitely have a reason. You often space out
and stare at things blankly, even if you're
normally hyper and energetic. This is because
nothing really seems important anymore. You
might just be sad right now, or you might be
manic depressive. Don't worry. Have some cocoa
and stuff'll be ok.

How Depressed are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

because i'm blue like that
09:19 p.m.

Sore wa himitsu desu
Thursday, February 20, 2003
Playlist: Earth Girl Arjuna OST#1

Maa. I know it's only been two days, and truthfully, I'm still feeling kinda anti-social, but I just needed to rant about my new layout first, before I put it up. (and when you think about it, I'm not being social by talking about a layout).

So!!! That hisoka layout that I talked about a looooong time ago (right before the new year). I didn't have any homework today, so I pulled out the html file I worked on and finished it off, using my old pita page as a testing site. After only *checks time* 2 hours of fiddling around, I finally got all the parts I wanted put together, using Dreamweaver. Then there was a lot of repositioning of the layers I used. But!! It's done now. And when I was digging through my blog files, I discovered, to my pleasant surprise, that the layout for the KT blog was done too, and could be put up whenever I'm ready. So, yeah. Two layouts in one day. Nice. However, I can't archive this page yet cos there's still a lot of space to go around. So, I'm blabbing now to fill the space up. I might talk about something more interesting later. Oh my head... *twitch*

*braintwitch*
08:35 p.m.

Sore wa himitsu desu
Wednesday, February 19, 2003
Playlist: Miz'erable - Gackt

What Drink Are You?

nuthin' said
12:43 a.m.

Sore wa himitsu desu
Tuesday, February 18, 2003
Playlist: rain - Gackt

Ah.

I am so depressedanti-social now that I don't even want to talk to myself (i.e. pour out my problems over this Inari-forsaken blog and then read it myself to examine my problems from a different angle, or at the very least, to satisfy my narcissistic tendencies). In fact, I have stopped thinking altogether. I've only decided to blog to inform the general public (the three or so my friends who know of this blog and read it, possibly more), after three days of ignoring my dra-chan, that I will not blog for a while, due to complete shut down of my brain. The social part of my brain. Yeah.

(On a side note, this blog will no longer be Inari-forsaken when I decided to put rice on it. Or foxes. Whichever comes first. I think the rice is coming first.)

(...)

(No, I think the persimmon is coming first.)

Anyway. I've examined some things. I've decided that now is as a good time as any to find that proverbial mountain to sit on top of and reflect. I'll be the troubled guru. Anybody taking advice from me during this time should know that my senses will be slightly deranged due to my own emotional turmoil regarding life and everything (no death, though. Death is easy to deal with), therefore any advice meted out should be examined by one's own common sense before putting into action. *sigh* I'm not going to be a pillar of strength for anybody for a while. I need to support myself first. Bleah. I think it's a time for a long walk with Maryam, completely with strange and creepy stalkers tailing her.

(Mmmnn, rice. I want rice. NO! MUST NOT! UGH...)

dead
08:43 p.m.

Sore wa himitsu desu
Thursday, February 13, 2003
Playlist: The Tower - Vienna Teng

XD I finally finished watching Slayers NEXT today. I have decided that Lina and Xelloss are my favorite characters (maa, probably more Xelloss than Lina), but I still uphold Zel/Lina, although Zel's behavior is getting more ridiculous as the series goes on. Demo, Xelloss is so kakkoi~ (except when Gaav sliced off half his body the first time and he was flopping on the ground like an eel... -___-;;) I thought Xelloss was General Priest to Zelas, Greater Beast (although for a time I thought Beast Master was Zelas' title), and I seem to have read somewhere that Xelloss was 'working' for Hellmaster Phibrizio for a reason. Awww, I wanted to see Zelas. Oh well. Got to see the Lord of the Nightmares, though~~ <3 <3 <3 My favorite part of the entire NEXT season is when Lina cast Giga Slave at the end and was 'possessed' by the Lord of Nightmares. Hah, LoN dragged Hellmaster out from his hiding place kicking and screaming like the brat that he is. XD XD 'course, then Phibrizio did go a little cuckoo, but ah well, he's an interesting character. Mou, now I really want to watch Slayers TRY, even though I know that it's not supposed to as good as the first two seasons (demo, Dark Star, the Dark Lord of the Lost Universe universe shows up~~). Also, Filia and Valgaav are introduced in TRY, and I really want to see the famed Filia-Xelloss interaction. *__* Anyway, one weird thing I noticed at the end of NEXT, at Martina and Zangulus' wedding, Vrumugun was in the audience... O___o I thought he and his copies were all dead? They were way back in first season, but I guess since he and Zangulus worked together, he has a right to be at the wedding... >__>

And I absolutely REFUSE to believe that Xelloss is 5'11"!! ^^;;;

09:50 p.m.

Sore wa himitsu desu
Thursday, February 13, 2003
Playlist: Between - Vienna Teng

*twitch* Vinita~~ T______T *whine* my brain just broke~. *cries* I can honestly say that THAT has never occurred to me before. I need a neuralizer...

so traumatizing
04:01 p.m.

Sore wa himitsu desu
Thursday, February 13, 2003
Playlist: Between - Vienna Teng

Asian Graduation is so frickin' badly organized. I mean, what's so hard about organizing a social and secret valentines? But the way the social is happening tomorrow is that we're doing work at the same time we "have fun". Thanh says we have to do some kind of cultural dance when we go to the social at her house tomorrow. Argh. The whole idea of a social is to have fun. Asian Grad is inefficient. That's what happens when you don't have underclassman in a club: every year it's like it's happening for the first time, nobody knows what to do and how to do it.

good mood ruined
12:25 p.m.

Sore wa himitsu desu
Wednesday, February 12, 2003
Playlist: You & I - The Brilliant Green

Solitude

What Kanji word best suits you?
brought to you by Quizilla

I saw this on Whitecat's blog a loooong time ago. Decided to take it today. Whaddyaknow?

between a wolf and a snake, i am the snake
10:01 p.m.

Sore wa himitsu desu
Wednesday, February 12, 2003
Playlist: Over Time - The Brilliant Green

Attempted to make French toast earlier tonight. "Attempted" being the operative word. Failed miserably. Consoled self with a bit of fresh goat cheese. Fresh Goat Cheesh ish good. Yum~

I woke up this morning and desperatly did not want to get up and go to anatomy lab (well, that and I stayed up pretty late last night doing preadmission questionnaire), and conveniently I had stomach cramps, so mom let me stay home and sleep. I slept until around 11, got up to go get some lunch before going to school. Was feeling very antisocial, so considered not going to the APIC meeting at lunch and letting Kevin handle things without me for once. Ate lunch which consisted of a beef+mushroom calzone that didn't have beef in it (nor mushroom, come to think of it) and a Jones green apple soda, in Ms. Bled's room, spaced out on a set of encyclypedia for a while, turned my head around for no reason at one point and saw the Eugene's back as he was leaving the room. Decided then that there was no point in skipping APIC if Eugene saw me, since my reason for skipping APIC was that no one knew I was at school today. Dragged myself to APIC room, almost ran into two of my morning teachers (wasn't caught, whew!), and managed to mope and be antisocial for almost two minutes before I was pulled out of it. In fact, told Kevin flatly that he was doing everything today, but ended up doing stuff anyway. Today was split evenly, though, because we were voting on T-shirt colors, and yeah, I didn't have to do as much as usual. :3 Felt like being mad at Eugene just to keep myself occupied and antisocial, but then found I had no particular reason to be, so forgone that idea.

four day weekend, how i love thee
09:12 p.m.

Sore wa himitsu desu
Tuesday, February 11, 2003
Playlist: Storm - Luna Sea

Err. *clutches head* Completing the preadmission questionnaire is taking longer than I thought... oh my head. So many questions, so many answers. I'm quite worried about this, since I get the impression that this will either help get me into Berkeley, or not. That is, it will either work for me, or against me. I hope it is the former... Ah well, as Eugene says, at least they're interested in me, to a certain extent. How I wish now that I had better grades on my transcript.

In other news, I have, unfortunately, been sucked into a brain-leeching conversation with Eugene. =P it's fun, tho.

=___=
09:18 p.m.

Sore wa himitsu desu
Tuesday, February 11, 2003
Playlist: no more words - Ayu

Eh?? Nande? I don't understand you. Are you saying I usually walk fast, or usually walk slow? (because either way, I'd say you were wrong, just because I usually walk both fast and slow, equally :P)

work work work!
07:06 p.m.

Sore wa himitsu desu
Tuesday, February 11, 2003
Playlist: For My Dear - Hamasaki Ayumi

Badminton started today. There were a lot of people who signed up hoping they could get PE credit that way. I eliminated three people at the tryouts. -__- I would rather have gone to the Y - work out more that way.

Am dead tired due to the fact that I woke up at 3:30 a.m. today to do homework that I neglected to do yesterday, because I got home and was too tired, so went to bed at 8. -__- Now, the question is, should I go to bed early again tonight, and set a new sleep pattern for myself (because, imo, it is very nice to wake up at 3 a.m. and have the house to myself), or should I get cracking on that preadmission questionnaire from UC Berkeley that I'm supposed to submit in a couple of days? When I walked into calculus today, Doug came up to me and said, "For the good of all humanity, you need to be on AIM tonight." ... me: O___o "EH?!", and an explanation ensued:

Doug: We made a bet with Eugene, and he lost, so now he has to put the conversation in your AIM profile into his profile.
me: *thinks* MY profile?? *remembers what profile actually consists of* *sweatdrop* Have you READ the contents of my profile??
Doug: no, but Kevin assures that it will be embarrassing for Eugene
me: ^^;; what was this bet?
Doug: it's really stupid, he bet that Mr. Salser put up new grades, and he said that if I lost then I'd have to put something stupid in my profile, and if he lost, then he'd have to do the same, and kevin suggested your profile.
me: Hahahahaha! Kevin, you've read my profile, right?
kevin: of course! It's still that legolas thing, right?
me: *cackle* yes, and you realize that the conversation was about Eugene, right?
kevin: yeah, that's why I suggested it.

*is brain-twitchingly amused* and the conversation itself? Maa, sore wa himitsu desu, unless you and you are reading this, in which case you would have guessed already... ahh, but if I stay awake, I'll be sucked into a conversation with Eugene later on, and I won't be able to go to bed at the time I want. No, I'll be good and do work now, then I won't have work tomorrow, and I will hopefully not get sucked into brain-leeching conversations.

*konked out*
06:43 p.m.