"On a long enough timeline the survival rate for everyone drops to zero." - Fight Club
Thursday, July 17, 2003
Playlist: the melodies of "Belive in Heaven" skipping and circling in my mental CD player

So, I was looking at the stuff on Enetation, and looking at some other blogs that don't use Pitas or Blogger or LJ or any of the other kinds of weblog interfaces, and I realize that, yes Pitas is nice, yes, it lets you do whatever you want on your page as long as you link Pitas somewhere, but it doesn't offer much else. Something like Movable Type would be a lot more useful, and is certainly a lot more impressive in the variety of services it offers. However, I'd need a real webpage for that. Somehow, I don't see Pitas and Movable Type mashing comfortably.

10:45 a.m.

"On a long enough timeline the survival rate for everyone drops to zero." - Fight Club
Wednesday, July 16, 2003
Playlist: [none]

My Soap Opera Personality:
The Wise Benefactor - What soap opera doesn't have the all-powerful, head of the family who's been on-air since the pilot episode? Sure, The Wise Benefactor has probably come back from comas, near fatal accidents, abductions, mysterious illnesses, botched murders, and multiple corporate takeovers. But they're the heart of the show with their integrity, sense of right and wrong, and ability to magically make things happen around the town.

Like The Wise Benefactor, you're a true original who can't be replaced — which is why you're sure to be around for a long time. There's just no substitute for your wise and powerful personality. And people can't help but to ask for your advice when times are tough. That's because they know you'll tell it like it is.

Always a warm soul, though sometimes you do exhibit some cold ambition, you keep your family together and are probably also the center for lots of happenings. The town wouldn't be the same without you, so keep doling out the advice, giving folks a hand-up when they need it, and putting people in their place when the time is right. If it weren't for you, who would keep the family, much less the town, afloat?

Emode's tests suck like hell, but their results are usually unusually insightful... >__>

Oh, Vinita-chan~ I got Enetation~ <3 <3 Wanna help me figure out how to use it?~ XD

01:54 p.m.

"On a long enough timeline the survival rate for everyone drops to zero." - Fight Club
Sunday, July 13, 2003
Playlist: Saigo no Mameshiba - (Sakamoto Maaya) Arjuna

Ugh. I just remembered. I have work tomorrow. -___- Not that I mind it much, it's just that I don't like having to get up that early... *sigh* basically, it means bed for me NOW. Dang it, and I'd just DLed "Believe in Heaven" too. I want to listen to it longer! *whine*

There is an unexplained blonde girl in the opening sequence of Matantei Loki Ragnarok. *glares* If Blondie turns out to be Oden, it will SOOOO not be funny, cos I can see it happening! *glares some more*

10:16 p.m.

"On a long enough timeline the survival rate for everyone drops to zero." - Fight Club
Sunday, July 13, 2003
Playlist: Kopperia no Hitsugi - (Ali Project) Noir

Speaking of Matantei Loki Ragnarok (which WOULD be my new obsession IF I knew how to get my hands on more of it...), I need to brush up on my Norse mythology. I remember that there was a book I read in middle school (light reading, it was... >__>) called Greek Mythology (by Edith Hamilton). Great book, is the most complete collection of Greek Mythology that I've seen, imo, although I could be wrong. And at the end of the book, were a bunch of Norse myths. I stopped there, because back then the only mythology I was interested in was Greek, and also, I read the name "Oden", thought, 'that's such an ugly name' and didn't feel the need to read any further... >__> If only I'd reached the accounts of Loki and Ragnarok before I'd made my judgement... I still don't really understand Ragnarok. I mean, why should there be a name for the final battle of gods? Anyway, I will probably go and get that book second-hand or something, because a) it's a great book and I figure it's time I went ahead and finished it, b) I like to be knowledgeable about stuff like this, and c) Norse mythology is starting to look interesting...

09:33 p.m.

"On a long enough timeline the survival rate for everyone drops to zero." - Fight Club
Sunday, July 13, 2003
Playlist: Byakuya~True Light [piano solo] - (Miyamoto Shunichi) DNAngel

>__> I'm quoting Fight Club... why am I quoting Fight Club? COS IT'S A DAMN COOL QUOTE!! That's why! Which means that now I feel obligated to go and actually finish seeing the movie...

Ah, <3 <3 I found this page that hosted the OP and ED for Matantei Loki Ragnarok, as well as the karaoke versions. I'm dling the OP from it, because it's a smaller byte size than the one that I have, although, my version of "Believe in Heaven" is smaller than the one that this page has. So, if anyone want to be nice to their computers and save room, just IM me (KuroiTsubasaKei) and I'd be glad to send you the mp3 that I have. I'm quite tickled by the fact there are karaoke version of this song, and I'm tempted to get it, cos you know, I have the lyrics to "Paradise's Door" (Rakuen no Tobira), and if I had the karaoke version, I could sing along~~ <3 <3 <3 *cackle* be afraid, be very afraid... ahh, "Paradise's Door", "Believe in Heaven", such pretty names for such a pretty series~ pretty Loki, pretty opening and ending sequences~~ The songs are best when you watch the op and ed sequences. Like I said, Loki is very pretty, adorable, glompable, [insert like synonyms]~ And, and, and XD XD X3 X3, "Believe in Heaven" is sung by Miki Shinichirou, who, while he isn't a very good singer, is Yamino-san's VA, and I like Yamino-san~

09:15 p.m.

"On a long enough timeline the survival rate for everyone drops to zero." - Fight Club
Sunday, July 13, 2003
Playlist: Rakuen no Tobira - (Yamoto, White Bound) Matantei Loki Ragnarok OP, Believe in Heaven - (Miki Shinichirou) Matantei Loki Ragnarok ED

XD XD so, today, when I finally gave in to temptation and went online, Melissa was on AIM, and she told me that she finally got housing~~!! And, and, she said that she called the housing office, and they told her that even though it isn't official yet, we're probably rooming together~~ XD XD they also said that it was a rare kind of occurence, since she's a Spring admit student, and they don't guarantee housing to them, so it was unusual for her to get housing AND the roommate she wanted! Ahh, I have faith in my karma, I really do. ^____^

08:57 p.m.

"On a long enough timeline the survival rate for everyone drops to zero." - Fight Club
Sunday, July 13, 2003
Playlist:

Ahahahahahahahaha Mentions of the Pit, and interesting quotes like:

"Why do women write fantasy stories about males having sex with other males? There are nearly as many theories as there are slash writers out there."

"Further, he points out, Rowling has chosen a setting – the English boarding school – that in literature and real life has traditionally been a place where boys experimented with their sexuality."

" 'Liza' is a doctoral candidate in classics at an Ivy League university who writes literate, lyrical fan fiction peppered with quotes from Russian poets, references to Roman philosophers, and chunks of dialogue in French. There are frequent footnotes. What Liza wants to see, and therefore what she writes, is "slash" – relationships, often sexual, sometimes graphic, between two characters of the same sex, nearly always two men. In fact, everything Liza writes is slash, and because of this, she doesn't want to use her real name either."

"No one wants to put words in J. K. Rowling's mouth, but it's safe to assume that when she hails her readers' creativity, she has in mind something other than tales wherein Professor Snape is fellated by the Sorting Hat"

XD XD;;;; I love the HP fandom, I really do... so many crazy people out there...

01:32 a.m.

"On a long enough timeline the survival rate for everyone drops to zero." - Fight Club
Sunday, July 13, 2003
Playlist: Knife of Romance - (Phi) Angel Sanctuary ED

So, it is a little more than a week after the fact, and mom is on yet another new treatment. And since it is already more than a week after the fact, I've gotten used to the fact (in fact, I got used to the fact about a couple hours after I learned of it), and after much thinking and not thinking, I have come to a few conclusions: firstly, that I don't have much time before I need to start packing, secondly, that I need to start 'settling my affairs', as it is, and thirdly, that I may or may not have a home in four months, as the fact that I keep on mentioning is that if current treatment fails to make a difference, then I will not have a mother in four months. Stuck somewhere in all those conclusions and decisions are a couple of vague, half-formed ideas and apprehensions about the amount of debt I shall be in, but that's all after the Fact actually occurs, because sooner or later, the Fact WILL become a reality. There's also some confusion and uncertainty as to what will happen next, because there are some plans of returning to China before school starts, but it is almost a certainty that mom will have to come back here for the last stretch, because America offers better pain treatment than China does (or some bullshit like that...). There are some issues we disagree on as well (aside from her refusal to die in China); she wants some sort of memorial service, which I suppose is normal, but I don't, because I don't want to see ANYONE after it happens. It's bad enough that it's going to happen so soon; there's no need to bring it up again and again and throw it in my face. Overall, I feel old, and young at the same time, and when the doctors told us (Sherry and Kuniko were with us at the time as well), all I could think of was, 'oh god, too soon', because we thought we'd mentally prepared ourselves, and I thought I could have handled anything the doctor might say, but I didn't imagine that it was as short a time as that, although mom might have had a better idea about herself. She's so brave, and I'm left feeling, as always, that I'm not reacting in the way I should be, that I'm not responding normally to this. After the initial lack of self-control, I've just moved on with life. That's how it is for me, just moving on, moving on, selfishly and selflessly moving on. I'm always practical at the wrong times, I feel like, and thinking of all the things I have to do, ahead of me, preparations and the like, I cringe, because I'm not ready yet, but it won't wait for me. Life won't wait for me, and it never has. And do you have any idea how much junk there is in our house? I'll never be able to clean it out! I have some notions about moving back home when the school year is over, providing mom is still around then, and just renting half the place out, so that I can support myself and still have a place to live, still be able to live at 'home', that is. That's the best case scenario for myself that I've come up with so far. All the others involve me losing my house in the middle of the school year, and me not being able to move back or something of the sort, and/or having to give away Keiko to the animal shelter or something... *shudder* If possible, I'd like to keep my home, my cat, and my mom, please. And my childhood too, if anyone can find it and dig it up.

But, moving on, that's me, always moving on. Angsting is not good. (Dwelling on the past isn't good either, but I do it anyway) Maryam called me up and asked if I wanted to go out and see a movie, so I said, sure, why not, and we went to see Pirates of the Carribean. Ahh, Johnny Depp... *__* I can't profess my undying love for his character Jack Sparrow enough. You have to see him to be able to properly drool onappreciate him. Orlando Bloom was ok. Bit too much of a noble young hero in this movie, is my humble opinion. Jack Sparrow is much better for droolagecharacter appreciation. *is in love with JackSparrow!Johnny Depp eyes* The story is pretty good, but rather lost me at points, since I don't know much about pirates, nor ever read any stories about them. There was also that rather overly-done love story that threatened to suffocate the plot at times. Also, after seeing the movie, I can safely say that a yaoi fandom will have somewhat of a sound basis, or at least an argument of unrequited love, or something like that. I will be waiting to see the crossovers with LoTR. Jack Sparrow and Legolas Greenleaf... hmmm... or, maybe, Aragorn and Will Turner... hmmm... *snerks wetly* Ah, I'm very amused by the possibilities. And not in the I'm-dying-to-read-them sort of way.

Have I mentioned that I'm sick? I am. Got a sore throat at CalSO, which went away with proper application of Chinese medicine, but a cold followed, and since I started work on Wednesday, I've been sneezing, coughing, and sniffling in turn. All the sneezing and nose/eyes watering has me suspecting that I might be allergic to something (at long last! a physical vice! *rolls eyes*). I've been feeling absolutely physically miserable and uncomfortable the past couple of days; my eyes water, my nose runs, and I am plagued by sneezes all around. A migraine has also decided to visit me, and is just starting its first round of pounding on the back of my eyelids. Oh woe is me. "You look like crap", Maryam informed me oh-so-politely this afternoon, when she picked me up to go see the movie. *blows nose* At least the coughing as subsided somewhat. On Thursday and Friday, I coughed hard enough to hack out a lung (ouch...) Now there is only the problem of keeping my nostrils snot-free. (snot! = draco! if you want snot-free, get harry! >D;;; oh, that was lame...)

Oh, did I mention, she's also going blind...

Boy, I sure do know when to make an inappropriate comment.

12:27 a.m.

"On a long enough timeline the survival rate for everyone drops to zero." - Fight Club
Saturday, July 12, 2003
Playlist: So Happy Together - The Turtles

Stephen King reviews Harry Potter! Adobe Acrobat required

01:44 p.m.

"On a long enough timeline the survival rate for everyone drops to zero." - Fight Club
Friday, July 11, 2003
Playlist:

Not too inclined too stay here and say much, but there IS one thing I wanted to mention. Today's the third day of work, btw, and there's this guy in the office I work at, who reminds me of, every time I see him, the following passage from the book Good Omens:

Many people, meeting Aziraphale for the first time, formed three impressions: that he was English, that he was intelligent, and that he was gayer than a tree full of monkeys on nitrous oxide.

XD;;; and everytime, without fail, the phrase "gayer than a tree full of monkeys on nitrous oxide" pops up in my head, clear as crystal. It's even worse when he starts talking. x__x;; And he doesn't even look English! just wears somewhat tight shirts and kinda shimmies when he walks, and...and...and he's got this voice that just SCREAMS "I'M GAY!!!" and XD XD XD I can't stop laughing everytime that aforementioned pharse pops up in my head, because you know, Good Omens was a really great and really humerous book, and... yuh. XD XD XD XD

07:47 p.m.

"On a long enough timeline the survival rate for everyone drops to zero." - Fight Club
Friday, July 4, 2003
Playlist:

I am not, like many many other people, out there watching the fireworks. I went to the Marina last year to watch the fireworks, and I remembered that it was freezing cold, the fireworks averagely impressive, and a total bitch trying to get back home in the post-celebration traffic jam. So I didn't go this year, nor did I watch the fireworks, except for the little bit that I glimpsed when I accompanied mom outside just now. I got a twinge of something like regret when I saw the shimmering lights floating in a predetermined flag pattern before flaring out of existence, and I thought of the millions of people, all over America, faces lifted up towards the sky, suffused with expressions of awe, delight, breathless with cold and excitement, hearts fit to burst with patriotic pride or just happiness from seeing the fireworks with family and friends, and I shivered from the cold, or something else, and went back inside.

09:56 p.m.

"On a long enough timeline the survival rate for everyone drops to zero." - Fight Club
Thursday, July 3, 2003
Playlist:

^^;; Good lord, I came THIS close to buying almost worth of used books at amazon.com, 4 of which was a set of the Song of the Lioness quartet (.16). I'm glad I didn't go through with the order, because I realized that I could get all of the Lioness books without paying more than for each. Whew... But I still want some of the other books that I'd been considering, though, because the bookstores near me don't carry some of the authors that I read. Oh well, I shall be making a trip to Pegasus bookstore tomorrow to look for some of the titles.

02:10 a.m.

"On a long enough timeline the survival rate for everyone drops to zero." - Fight Club
Wednesday, July 2, 2003
Playlist: Feuer Frei! - Rammstein

I have a triple room, so I've been looking at the layout of the room and trying to figure out what I need to bring to school and how I'm going to handle financial expenses. Here is what I have an idea of so far:

I should take the single bed, so then I'd get the desk right underneath and have my own little nook of sorts in the room. I'm bringing two lamps from home, I think. The black one from my desk now for the desk at school, and a smaller clip-on for my bed (though I'll need to buy that). I plan to bring my radio/cd/tape player. If there's room, I'm also bring the small bookcase I have at home, so I can keep my own books there. If there's no room, I'll look for one of those metal racks that you can put stuff into, and make it be a multi-purpose holder. Depending on my two roommates, I may or may not bring a microwave. I will certainly bring two pots for cooking (and a ricecooker too...), as well as a couple of bowls and two mugs. Since I'm getting the lite meal plan, I only get 10 meals per week, so I'll need to get used to eating very little. The money that I plan to spend on food will be limited to a lot of fruits, some vegetables (mostly salad types), a bag of rice, and water. I also have a water steamer thing that I can bring, if I can fit it somewhere in the room. Oh, and Top Ramen noodles will be my kitchen god. The nice thing is that I can go home and mooch off of mom's cooking supplies, and sometimes home cooking as well. I've learned to cook all my favorite dishes so far, but I don't know how to cook meat yet... Yup, this year will be the year of fruit and instand noodles. *sigh* I can feel my stomach shrinking already... As for my bed, I have a furry blanket that I used on top of my comforters now, that I plan to use as bedsheets, because they're so damn comfortable to sleep on (although, mind you, I'd have to run them through the washers twice before I'd actually use them...), and I'll just use the same comforters that I have now, and use another blanket over it, a heavy one (cos I really like a solid weight on top of me when I sleep... more comforting that way). I will also have to check out whether there's enough room on my bed for Hiroshi.

Books I'm planning on bring to my dorm room with me:
All my manga, because Mom threatened to trash them if I left them at home, so by default, it also means any of my manga related stuff. My Lynn Flewelling, Patricia Wrede, Jaqueline Carey, and Melanie Rawn books. Any and all books of fairy tales that I have. Random classical literature that I or my mother have collected over the years. My Journey to the West, Dream of the Red Mansion, and 5000 Years of Chinese History book (light reading to brush up on my Chinese...). And that's all I can think of right now, because I'm stupid and never bothered to go buy all of my favorite books. In fact, I'm missing all of Tamora Pierce's Lionness and Immortals quartets, as well as Meredith Ann Pierce's Darkangel trilogy. >__> why did I never buy those books? Those were great favorites way back when... Anyway, I need to buy more Sharon Shinn books too, probably all of the Samaria series. I have a lot of books I want to buy...

11:53 p.m.

"On a long enough timeline the survival rate for everyone drops to zero." - Fight Club
Wednesday, July 2, 2003
Playlist: Adrenaline - Gavin Rosedale

Well, it's halfway through the last week of summer before I start my new job, and here's what I've done so far: NOTHING!

Ok, that's not quite true, I've accomplished quite a few things... I've finally caught up with all the digests from Veela Inc. *cheers* There was more than two weeks' worth, that I wanted to read through, and I worked through a couple per day. Vinita came back from her trip, so I've been talking to her quite a bit. Maryam also came back from her trip, so I talked to her too, and in fact went to a baseball game with her today (along with Will, Eugene, and some other kids). I also figured out what classes I'm going to take, come fall, although I still need to work out the schedule.

So, things that I still need to do before the week ends are: 1) call Loans office about a loan entrance interview or something like that, 2) decide if I want to go to a bbq on Friday, and if I should go to neighbor's bbq on Saturday, after I come back from Jean's bbq... 3) go see doctor with mom tomorrow, 4) ... um... do something more productive with my time?

So, yeah, my last week before I go to work, and I'm sitting on my butt in front of a computer, wondering to myself why I don't have anything to blog anymore (although I think it's because I'm not guaranteed privacy anymore, cos people keep on tossing stuff from my blog in my face like a splash of cold water. It's a very rude wake-up call, people. I'm more likely to lie in my blog if you're going to keep bringing what I say up in front of me...)

Like it does every summer, my English has devolved into rudimentary, accented, chinglish. I can't even speak properly anymore. 's pretty annoying, but on the other hand, my oral Chinese gets a lot better, and I think I have perfected spilling out my sentences in half Chinese, half English. I also realized that I tend to speak a lot less during the summer, and that there are just some people I don't know how to talk to anymore, once school is over. That makes me wonder what our friendship is based on, if I have nothing to say over the summer. It's normally fine with Maryam, because we don't have much in common to talk about anyway, and it's perfectly fine to have silence between us, and I don't really see anybody else over the summer. I don't know, I'm perfectly happy with not opening my mouth, but then I'd just be rude to whoever I'm spacing out on. Still, why should I have to say anything when I have nothing to say?

A few years ago, when my parents were still upset with me for being overly "obsessed" with anime/manga, they said to me confidently, "Oh, this is just a phase, you'll get over it by the time you're in college. You'd better get over it by the time you go to college." And, well, I think I am getting over it. I mean, I still enjoy anime and manga, but I don't rush at it anymore. It doesn't help that Daran, one of the Taiwan book suppliers, are dead right now, so most of the series that I'd like to get are impossible to get, so I have no incentive to spend my money on manga anymore (although, that's somewhat a GOOD thing, because that way, I save my money) And I never was too passionate about anime anyway, so, not much of a loss there. I haven't be getting myself into a lather about reading books either (although god knows I should just go ahead and start reading the Wheel of Time series, you know, just to get it over with and say that I have read them... oh, and all the books by David Eddings too...), and my interest in music has been mostly in classical lately (although I lent all my best CDs to Sherry, so no fulfillment there...). I'm eighteen, and I should be peaking (I am peaking...), but I feel like such an old woman. I feel... not bored, but boring. I have no motivation to do anything, I have no will, no incentive, and my mind stays frustratingly blank when I need it the most. I'm too young to feel old. If this is depression, then it's not about me (cos I KNOW what depression about me feels like, and it feels a whole lot more despairing). If this is about mom, then hell, my mind is doing a great job with its defense mechanisms. I mean, what's happening to me is one fucked up version of asceticism and isolation. I thought I had a breakthrough with that when I couldn't stop crying the other day (the mom and the bleeding thing... >__>), but I'm right back where I started, even more desensitized from the situation than I was before. Anyway... this whole "I feel like an old, prude woman" thing might be good for me when I go to college. Maybe I'll bore myself into doing homework and studying, just so I can have something to do.

And fuck it, I think I lost my sense of sarcasm too, what little I had of it!

10:59 p.m.

"On a long enough timeline the survival rate for everyone drops to zero." - Fight Club
Tuesday, July 1, 2003
Playlist: I'm With You - Avril Lavigne

A couple of thing of note, from the real world:

Katherin Hepburn died yesterday, I mean, Sunday, at the ripe old age of... ninety-something... yeah, 96, I think. I think it's sad, despite not having been a fan of hers. Stephen, Sherry's husband, is, though. I wonder how he feels.
Another news fact: Gay people now [legally] have sex in Texas. Supreme Court struck down a Texas law forbidding homosexuals to have sex, consensual, adult, and all. Cheers! (did anyone pay any attention to the law before, is what I'm wondering - Vinita says probably not, ^^;;)

12:41 a.m.

"On a long enough timeline the survival rate for everyone drops to zero." - Fight Club
Sunday, June 29, 2003
Playlist:

I'm looking at that red HP spoiler label down there in that long ass entry, and I'm idly thinking to myself: I like color.

09:32 p.m.

"On a long enough timeline the survival rate for everyone drops to zero." - Fight Club
Sunday, June 29, 2003
Playlist:

*waves arms about* *babbles incoherently for a bit* AHEM!! ^^;; I discovered the most interesting bit of sibling squabbling on Vinita's blog comments, which, incidentally, also includes a bit of me-bashing. XD;;; and so, here goes one of the most amusing... something that I've read in ages:

Nont @ 10:45AM | Jun 16th 2003
I heard that you think Nick Carter looks like Draco Malfoy. *squick squick* Tarkin and Carter, sitting in a tree. K-I-S-S-I-N-G. Be sure you tell Keiko how MUCH you appreciate her ^^

Vinita @ 12:30PM | Jun 16th 2003
Augh! *washes eyes* Don't poison my blog with that name, evil brother! You both suck. Angela, I /will/ get you back for that. I'll find something as barf-inducing as that Petra/Dink fanfic travesty, JUST FOR YOUR SAKE.

*is nauseas at the idea of Petra/Dink* Oh, good lord, hide me under a rock. VENGEANCE is coming to get me! *cackles* And if the link Nont provided is right, then Vinita is back from her family trip today~ Cheers and good luck on squicking me, clone~ *cackles more*

08:56 p.m.

"On a long enough timeline the survival rate for everyone drops to zero." - Fight Club
Sunday, June 29, 2003
Playlist: Bring Me to Life - Evanescence

*snerk* Was really bored. Took the following. Am very much amused because it's really no surprise at all...

What's your Harry Potter slash pairing?.
By the superbly cool mortari of Serpensortia

03:09 a.m.

"On a long enough timeline the survival rate for everyone drops to zero." - Fight Club
Sunday, June 29, 2003
Playlist: canta per me ii - Noir

>___> <___< frigging long entry, that was... >___>

02:56 a.m.

"On a long enough timeline the survival rate for everyone drops to zero." - Fight Club
Saturday, June 28, 2003
Playlist: So Happy Together - The Turtles

HARRY POTTER: Spoilers ahead

*looks at calendar* Aha! It's been a week! I feel like I can suddenly talk about OoTP now. There're a lot of things I won't be able to discuss fully, seeing as I don't actually have the book with me anymore (lent it to Ivy), but anyway, here goes:

First off, I wasn't too impressed with the fifth book, overall, because, well, I'm just not easily impressed. I say that with the detachment of having finished the book days ago and therefore no longer able to completely empathize with the story. However, given that it IS Harry Potter, that it IS the fifth book, I have to say it was very... realistic, and well-written in that respect. In comparison with the first 4 books, the characterization in OoTP is just so much more likely, given Harry's unhappy childhood. The first 4 books were really for kids, because Harry acted the hero, was victorious in everything he did, and basically acted like a normal kid, not someone who should very well be much more emotionally scarred than he actually is. The first 4 books were... happy, sort of, and was very much defined when it came to boundaries between good and evil. Excepting for the fact each book gets darker than the one before, and excepting for the fact that Harry didn't really win in neither PoA nor GoF and someone actually DIED in GoF, I'd have to say that the first 4 HP books were had NOTHING in misery, compared to OoTP. And frankly speaking, OoTP was BLEAK. Bad stuff just kept on happening, and for a while, it was hard to divorce canon from fandom, and after that, even harder to reconcile myself to the cruelties of canon. The fifth book killed me. But anyway, to start at the beginning.

I rather expected Mrs. Figg to be a witch living among Muggles, as opposed to being a Squib, but all the same, the part with her beating Mundungus with her bag was hilarious. Aunt Petunia was great. In my eyes, she has as good as redeemed herself, even for a little bit. I'm not quite clear at this point if she knew that her bloodties with Harry protected him from evil, but either way, Dumbledore was right in saying that she DID take Harry in and raise him, no matter how much he was abused. Somehow, with the part she played, the Dursleys as a whole no longer seem to be so bad (although that may be wishful thinking on my part). I think that was an important part of the story, her blood ties with Harry and her relationship with the wizarding world, no matter how much she wants to wash her hands of both. And Harry was just... scary. I mean, I always thought he was a bit violent and temperamentally unstable (anybody remember that scene from second movie, where he looked like he was about to shake Dobby's head off?), but when he blew up at Ron and Hermione at the Black house, I had to step back and say "whoa!" because I honestly hadn't expected such a drastic rage. Jean summed it up pretty nicely when she said that Harry was one messed up kid in OoTP, and to heap troubles above his troubles, he's got a reckless, sullen, somewhat-selfish godfather, so many people wanting to protect him that in the end it just ends up hurting him, and that teeny-bop romance thing going on (which I personally blame on him, and which we'll get to, later). I'm actually rather impressed with the fact that Rowling wrote him that way, for practically the entire book, because it's rather hard to lower yourself to that level of stupidity and close-mindedness when you're trying to write in-character. Ahem... >__> Sorry, Harry's not stupid, but I do have to say that he's rather close-minded about certain things. I mean, in an earlier entry, I said that there was no character development at all, which is wrong, as I've come to realize. Harry hasn't changed too much, I stick with that part, in how he deals with things, but he has changed in that he now knows more about the world around him, and about himself. I'm rather disappointed that he couldn't overcome his hatred of Snape, even though the situation, as is explained, leaves absolutely no room for blame to fall on Snape. I'm also a bit disappointed that the bit about James and Sirius being cruel bullies (and how bad Harry felt about that) wasn't fleshed out more. For a moment, when Harry sees Snape's memories in the pensieve, I thought that maybe he could finally see why Snape hates him so damn much (although Snape is rather stupid too, for hating Harry when he's not much like his father), but then, after a bit of angsting, he decides to seek false comfort in Sirius' reassurances, and whoosh, the curtain of hate is back. I can't even begin to explain how furious I was that after talking to Sirius, who Harry rather worships a bit more than is good for him, Harry just decides that, "oh, my father and godfather were young, they were idiotic, and I'm prejudiced against Slytherins and Snape anyway, so I'll just excuse my father and godfather's cruel bullying ways, and don't stop to consider that right now, in MY life, I'm in practically the same shoes as Snape when he was a kid." *snarls* Harry's character is in a hurry; he never stops to think and consider some things about the people and situations in his life, and he could rather benefit from thinking once in a while. Harry's character is just... blind to so much. If Harry stopped his hatred for a moment and thought about it, he'd realize that Snape didn't betray him and the Order when he pretended not to know the meaning of Harry's message. Harry, being the idiotic hero (synonyms, really) that he is, doesn't realize that Snape is only doing what he has to do. And yes, Harry actually does realize all of this, but being the righteous little Gryffindor that he is, he just brushes all that aside and continues to hate Snape, because, oh, anything is better than facing the truth, that he DID make a mistake, that if the blame were to fall on anyone, it would be HIM, not Snape, who were to blame for Sirius's death. *takes a deep breath* Ok, I'm done bashing Harry, for now. No, wait, I'm not. I also don't think he handled the Cho relationship very well, but then, he was being an average boy, and I don't like Cho too much anyway, so I won't harp on that a lot. Basically, Cho thought he would understand, but Harry didn't want to talk about Cedric and wanted to concentrate on Cho only, and he doesn't really know how to deal with girls other than Hermione in the first place, so that's one relationship/love interest gone up in smoke. Speaking of love interests, I love how Ginny has more of a role now, and not as a Harry Potter fangirl either. She's a lot like the twins, as is noted in the book, and I particularly like how easily she deals with the boys in her life. She didn't cry and whine when she broke up with Michael Corner (she was the dumper! XD XD Go Ginny!).

I think that a lot of people were disappointed with how James and Sirius were characterized in OoTP. I know I was, because suddenly, the images that we've built up over the years for ourselves of the Mauraders are shattered. James is not the kind, laughing, friendly soul we have come to believe he is, or created from the bare facts of canon. 'Arrogant' and 'conceited' does not begin to describe what a horrible person he was in school. Sirius also breaks out of the mold we've placed him in our minds, becoming almost unbearble in OoTP, prowling around the house and treating Harry like James the way he does. Sirius is pretty childish, if you ask me. Before I read OoTP, I almost cried when Jean told me Sirius dies, but after reading OoTP, I'm almost relieved that it happened, even if, yes, Lupin will be single for the rest of his life now (j/k). I'm absolutely ashamed by Lupin's actions in school, though, or rather, lack of action. He knows Snape-baiting is wrong, but he lets it happen anyway. *huffs indignantly* I'm not exactly enamored of Snape as a character, but even I have to say that he wasn't as bad as he used to be in the other books. Snape acted exactly like I thought he would when he was at Hogwarts, although it's rather embarrassing. (On a side note for Vinita-chan: Yes, practically all possiblities of James/Snape is gone, and I'm not likely to pursue that avenue of ship after OoTP, but then, OoTP also leaves little basis for Harry/Snape. XD XD XD)

One of the things I particularly liked about OoTP was the introduction of new characters. Namely: Luna Lovegood, Tonks, Kingsley Shacklebolt. Luna Lovegood certainly brings a new flavor into life at Hogwarts, and I rather like the fact that she and Harry have certain things in common, like seeing thestrals and hearing the voices behind the veil. The love interest isn't a factor, although I thought that Luna might have been slighly interested in Ron. Tonks is... cool. What can I say, her character makes me laugh so much. She's something like a klutzy puppy who likes to play with her body parts too much (NOT what it sounds like). I've seen people refer to her as a lesbian, but I haven't seen any evidence in that, nor to the claim that Madam Hooch is a lesbian, based on book canon. (I can see it, though...) Kingsley Shacklebolt is... useful. I mean, heading the investigation on Sirius and all that. I like him, from what little OoTP provides on him. I have to complain about the amount of page time Lupin gets, though, because he wasn't there for most of the middle part of the book, and everytime he's mentioned, he gets a passing line. I suppose I should be glad that he has no problems for Rowling to write about, other than lycanthropy, but she could at least expand on Lupin more. I do like how he's there to comfort people all the time, though, especially the numerous times he's had to help calm down Mrs. Weasley. The poor woman and that horrible bogart experience. That was one of the passages that made me want to cry, when she had to see the bogart take on the corpses of all her children and her husband. The worst part of everything Weasley in OoTP was Percy turning his back on his family like that. All through OoTP, I kept hoping that maybe someone had bothered to put an Imperius curse on him, and maybe that was why he acted like such a dickhead, slamming the door in his mother's face and everything. (Speaking of dickheads, Harry is one for not taking the Occulumency lessons seriously.) The Weasley twins were great, what with the flying out of school, the pranks, the joke shop, and everything. Bravo to the twins.

Umbridge made OoTP unbearable for me. She is what I'm talking about when I say OoTP is miserable. She and her anti-Dumbledore-ness and pink cardigan and disgustingly cute stuff and toad-like face and Hogwarts High Inquisitor and that pen that she makes Harry write lines with that cuts into the back of his hand repeatedly. She puts me in mind of everything evil about humans and the ever odious Flannery O'Connor, who is an acclaimed author but writes the most horrible stories about the most horrible people. (I've ranted about Flannery O'Connor before, which goes to show how much I hate her stories) Umbridge is odious, and I hater her "Hem hem"'s, but I shiver to think what the centaurs might have done to her to make her the way she was at the end of OoTP. One of the more heart-warming (???) scenes in OoTP was when Gwarp shows up and wantes to know where "Hagger" is. I went "awwww" at that. I'm glad that the centaurs couldn't do anything to Gwarp. Speaking of the centaurs, I dislike what happened to Firenze, but oh well, plot development and all that.

I had originally thought that I'd rather Dumbledore died for the sake of character/plot development, rather than Sirius, but with how Rowling wrote OoTP, I find that I can't complain. The story turned out quite well, the characters are sufficiently moved along that there will be certain things I will look forward to in the 6th book, such as Harry's relationship with different people, especially the Dursleys, Snape, and Draco. Harry's actions definitely touched a nerve with Draco at the end of OoTP, and he's not the same person as he was at the beginning of the book. I can't see him becoming a Death Eater, because frankly, he's too cowardly for that, but he will do everything else he can to immerse himself in the Dark Arts up to his neck.

That's all I have to say on OoTP now. Oh, and Professor Mcgonagall RULES!

10:21 p.m.

"On a long enough timeline the survival rate for everyone drops to zero." - Fight Club
Friday, June 27, 2003
Playlist:

Ok, shit happened today.

Mom got told at the hospital yesterday that her lungs were retaining fluids (possibly as a result of cancer taking over more of her body), so today she went to the hospital proper to get the fluids out. Well, since her hematocrit's low, and her platelets are low, the hole they poked in her back to drain her lungs wouldn't close, and when she finally came home, the movement cracked open the wound again, and her blood wasn't clotting to close the tiny hole, which kept on bleeding. So, right before that, Mom and I were (calmly) talking about the situation (of, you know, the fact that she's been in treatment for a year and a half and shows, not signs of getting better but, signs of getting worse, and that this is probably it, the last stretch...), and she noted that her back felt wet. Me, already feeling pretty upset, took a look at the massive amount of blood clotting and coming out of her back, and pretty much lost my head. Mom ended up calling up a friend of hers who was a nurse, and she came and helped out. By then I'd calmed down and realized that all the blood was just the stuff that had accumulated over the time span of an hour, and not actually pouring out all at once... *sigh* anyway... all the blood she got yesterday in a transfusion is probably all gone today.

10:01 p.m.

"On a long enough timeline the survival rate for everyone drops to zero." - Fight Club
Thursday, June 26, 2003
Playlist:

It's so hot...

I'm wilting...

08:02 p.m.