For everything that hurts me, who will apologize?
Playlist: For You - Staind
Random Thoughts: *sniff* head hurts... ;_; Am I going to die of a tumor?
Monday, August 26, 2002, 09:06 p.m.

Life is bad, no?

Keiko | trying to be ordinary

For everything that hurts me, who will apologize?
Playlist: Love Song - Gasaraki
Random Thoughts: "Minority Report" was good...
Monday, August 26, 2002, 08:51 p.m.

I don't understand why I can't just have a nice summer and then NOT have a whole bunch of shit happen to me as a result of my pathethic excuse of a Yin-Yang karma. Just once I don't want to worry about backlash.

My mom tells today that in my tentative schedule for school, I got AP Calculus A/B, while I'd wanted B/C... It would explain why I didn't notice Boedinhousin (sp?) on my schedule. Now it's too late to change my schedule before school starts and I REALLY WANTED B/C!! Aside from that, my counselor informed me that the records at school don't show that I took the class AP Economics, but I got that sorted out. Hopefully my teacher remembers me and fills in an affirmative in the stupid mark adjustment form. Otherwise I'll have to take it again next semester, and if I don't, I can't graduate cos fucking econ is a graduation requirement. I wanted Theoretical Psychology but because I had to transfer back to the school from Independent Studies in the middle of the summer, they process my schedule last, meaning all the classes I wanted to take were full or conflicting with other classes. Now, I coulda dealt with all that, and the fact that I have to take Poetry to fill in gaps in my schedule, but how they ever read "AP Calculus A/B" when I specifully requested "AP Calculus B/C", I cannot understand. I'm also more than a little furious at myself for not double-checking my tentative schedule, for not catching that little glitch and reporting it to my counselor when she called me last week. At this rate, luck will run it that I won't get my college applications done on time, or some parts of it are incomplete, and I won't get into the colleges that I want to go! I know this is senior year and I already have 4 years of math, but I still want B/C rather than A/B.

Keiko | trying to be ordinary

For everything that hurts me, who will apologize?
Playlist:
Random Thoughts:
Sunday, August 25, 2002, 06:50 p.m.

You're Seras, the novice vampire and policewoman. You have been underestimated all your life and seem to be constantly proving yourself to others. Although inner conflicts leave you anxious and confused, you have the strength to overcome them. You are often looked upon as a much-needed figure of sweetness and normalcy in dark atmospheres.
Which Hellsing character are you?

Keiko | trying to be ordinary

For everything that hurts me, who will apologize?
Playlist: {none}
Random Thoughts: {none}
Sunday, August 25, 2002, 06:29 p.m.

O___o I looked at my tracker and the keyword is "sakura"! That's as unlikely as Vinita's being "fanfiction"! *laughter* And the blog shows up on some strange Google search queries, like "Sakura & Syaoran Music Videos", "tenku no Girlfriend Full Game Download", "a picture of cardcaptor li and sakura kissing", "Hakkai and Yaone kissing", etc.

Which HP Kid Are You?

Keiko | trying to be ordinary

For everything that hurts me, who will apologize?
Playlist: Under the Moon - Do As Infinity
Random Thoughts:
Sunday, August 25, 2002, 06:09 p.m.

I was just staring at the untouched link to Gundam Wing Addiction on my blog when I realized how long I HAVEN'T read a decent fanfic. Or any fanfics at all! But I don't have time or privacy anymore... so fanfics will have to wait a while.

I was just reading some blogs, and... everybody's going to college! < whining >;_; I dun wanna go back to high school... *sniff*< /whining > but anyway, I'm quite reluctant about school because my brain is still dead and rotting on me. I need like the real-life equivalent of a lightning bolt to wake myself up again. Like Frankenstein. Arrrgghh, I'm aaaaalllliiiiiiiivvvveeeeeeee!!!! X______X

*sigh* A few minutes ago I was still reconciling myself with the idea of probably ending up at Berkeley or Davis, but now I'm wanting to go to Dartmouth again. >_> Distance and change is very good to me right now. I need to satiate my wanderlust. It's driving me, ever so slowly, insane. Perhaps I can persuade mother dear to take me on a short road trip before school starts, or even over some weekend in the not-so-distant future. Right now it's so hard to appreciate Boring-As-Hell-Town.

I just inadvertently reminded myself that I have a responsibility in APIC. *head hits keyboard* sdfnadsbg;a How do I get myself into these things/circumstances?

Keiko | trying to be ordinary

For everything that hurts me, who will apologize?
Playlist: Under the Moon - Do As Infinity
Random Thoughts: *raspberry*
Sunday, August 25, 2002, 06:03 p.m.

Life sucks. And I don't have a good book to bury my nose in and be happy as a duck. Schools starts in three days and I have a tolerable though not well-liked schedule (damn classes don't end until four-fecking-fifteen!) I'm bored out of my mind (even though I just saw "XXX"), and I DON'T WANT TO STUDY!! Not even for the fecking SATs.

Keiko | trying to be ordinary

For everything that hurts me, who will apologize?
Playlist: Alone - Shimokawa Mikuni (Saiyuki 2nd ED)
Random Thoughts: "Alone" is such a pretty song, I'm feeling better already. XD XD
Saturday, August 24, 2002, 09:59 p.m.

I'm going to put all the matters of the previous entry behind me, because when I get depressed, I don't like to brood on those type of things.

I'm slightly sorry to say that I can't work any further on my PSOH fic without first obtaining the last volume of the series, or at least a summary or translation of if. I also cannot further my Slayers fic without consulting this fabulous Slayers site where I get all my info, because it has come to the point of things where I need clarification on some of the Shamanistic and black magic spells. I can't possibly write about it if I don't know the name of the spells, can I? On the other hand, I worked on "The Second Angel" again a while ago, and wrote a passage so delightfully revolting that it's sure to give me nightmares for days. I decided that the story needed some tangible villains in it, so I summoned my imagination and created this horrible monster that sucks up life wherever he goes, has a putrid stinking carrion smell about him, and is so dangerous that if not put a stop to, will eventually end up eating the entire earth! I realize the "heroes" of the story will eventually have to put a stop to its rampage (though it's only creating havoc in a forest right now), but I haven't quite figured out the creature's weakness. Having it be vanquished by fire will be too convenient. The heroine, after all, is a pyrokinetic. It will have to be something harder. >_> If I could only figure out what. But, I have a feeling that the creature will eventually develop the weakness for fire and light, since how can you defeat something when you can't even touch it, and its substance is made of shadow? Well, great, now I'll have to rewrite the whole thing to account for the setting being nighttime... *looks sour*

Keiko | trying to be ordinary

For everything that hurts me, who will apologize?
Playlist: Give A Reason - Hayashibara Megumi
Random Thoughts: I am terribly upset right now.... and my manner of thought has been affected completely by Jane Austen.
Saturday, August 24, 2002, 09:56 p.m.

Why am I so upset? I watched the movie "The Next Best Thing" today. It was good, and it was bad. It is horrible that people should have to suffer so much. Another thing that made me so upset was an article I read in the paper this morning about the China-USA exhibition game two days ago. Some biatch wrote a totally conceited and biased story about Yao Ming, who is being recruited for the NBA, being slammed by Wallace (Wallace took a flying back leap during the game and landed on Yao Ming, for no other reason than that he had boasted before the game that he would beat him up), and she was SMUG about it! Now, I understand patriotism and the whole Communism vs. Democracy thingy, but does one have to be so patriotic as to have prejudice border on racism? *scowls* At least the bigger article on the Sports page was written by a man who praised Yao Ming as having surprised the NBA with his ability, though he seemed a little scared of overshowing his admiration.

Keiko | trying to be ordinary

For everything that hurts me, who will apologize?
Playlist: {none}
Random Thoughts: Chinese people are so damn vain...
Thursday, August 22, 2002, 10:22 p.m.

I just came back from that basketball game between China and U.S.... ¬_¬ I'm too upset to go into details, but suffice to say that I shouldn't have put myself in a a situation where I'm set up for disappointment. U.S. won, of course, 84-54. There were quite a few good plays, on both sides, but the Chinese team was being too cautious, and they were depending on the extreme height of this one guy too much (Yao Ming, who was 7'4, or something, but couldn't really shoot under pressure...). There was one guy was was quite good, played for most of the game. Surname Guo, or something, but I looked at him through binoculars, and he looked like he hasn't slept well. I hope they weren't playing under jet lag. Still, the whole game was pathetic. I mean, they were playing the NBA, for sakes! It doesn't matter if they're only second tier, they're still the NBA! But there were some really cool slam dunks by the US team. XD XD There was Davis, Rinley, Marion, and O'Neal (not Shaq, I don't think; they said his name, but the guy didn't look like Shaq. O_o). It was a good game, even if I was disappointed.

Keiko | trying to be ordinary

For everything that hurts me, who will apologize?
Playlist: {none}
Random Thoughts: {none}
Wednesday, August 21, 2002, 03:46 p.m.

Disorder	Rating
Paranoid:	Low
Schizoid:	Moderate
Schizotypal:	Moderate
Antisocial:	Low
Borderline:	Low
Histrionic:	Moderate
Narcissistic:	Moderate
Avoidant:	Low
Dependent:	Low
Obsessive-Compulsive:	Low
-- Click Here To Take The Test --

Dude, I'm too normal...

Keiko | trying to be ordinary

For everything that hurts me, who will apologize?
Playlist: {none}
Random Thoughts: Staring at a computer screen for 5 hours is not a good idea, even if you're getting paid for it...
Wednesday, August 21, 2002, 03:27 p.m.

Oh my, catfight on the Saiyuki Mailing List... there was a 'debate' over the use of Japanese in fic-writing, whether to look 'cool' or for the name-honorifics, then someone got majorly-pissed about it and spat out her opinion on the ML. Thank goodness it's all over and done with now. It's quite weird getting a whole fight in email. Things are back to... discussions over Bhuddism and Zen teachings... is that necessarily a good thing? ¬_¬

Keiko | trying to be ordinary

For everything that hurts me, who will apologize?
Playlist: some random song fron Ivy's mix cd that got stuck in my head. :P
Random Thoughts: "~As we gooooo onnnnnn we'll reeeeemeeeeemmmmmbeerrrrrrrr~~~" ch', stupid song...
Sunday, August 18, 2002, 10:59 a.m.

-Things that made me happy in the last few days-
-My dad took me shopping when he got back from China, and I got a lot of nice new clothing.
-Went to Great America yesterday with Ivy, her mom, and a little boy she knew, and got on all the scariest rides, except the Grizzly, the Demon, and Drop Zone (the latter of which I hadn't quite convinced myself of going on yet) because we ran out of time. Too much time spent waiting in line (Stealth took more than 2 hours), but it was well worth it. XD XD XD
-I attacked my PSOH fic, caught it unawares, and managed to tack on another page. XD XD I knew I've been restless for a reason.
-I didn't have to go to church this morning!!! Joy to the world!
-Ner, I don't know if this counts as a happy thing, but there was an APIC meeting on Thursday, and Jennifer and Eugene told me to be team leader of Publicity. We did get a small flyer done for the freshman orientation, though.

-Things that made me sad/annoyed/seriously pissed off in the last few days-
-My dad came back bring JACKETS! of all things, of all clothing. I have more than enough jackets to spare! Hasn't he ever heard of SHIRTS? or SKIRTS? or even PANTS? Chewed him out. Had an argument with him (meaning he fought BACK) Then later when Ivy's mom wanted to talk to me about Great America, he kept on interrupting so I couldn't hear, so I kicked him in the shins. *sucks in breath* Felt bad about it, apologized rather profusely, decided to make up for it by spending the afternoon/evening with him as opposed to sending him home with no dinner (and yes, fed him too; mom didn't look too happy). *bows head* Ner, I feel so horrible just thinking about it.
-The little boy Ivy brought along to Great America was... cute, but hyper, and wouldn't stop talking... and doesn't know his place... seriously. I wasn't exactly pissed off, but I was definitely exasperated, and it put a tiny blemish on my day.
-huh, what else? :P

Stuff in general... well, I was thinking about lying... ner, I don't mean ME lying, but people lying in general (don't ask how I came to meditate on that subject), and I was wondering how one can tell when someone is lying or about to lie (besides the stereotypical telltale signs such as sweating, shifty eyes, profuse blinking, etc.), when something from Tokyo Crazy Paradise suddenly smacked me in the head. Ryuji had Tsukasa's three brothers chained and shackled and was (allegedly) about to cut their heads off, to threat Tsukasa into telling the truth about something, and he sees Tsukasa shifting her eyes to the right and up. He says, "Whenever you used to do that in school, it meant that you were about to lie." But of course, that helps me none...

Keiko | trying to be ordinary

For everything that hurts me, who will apologize?
Playlist: {none}
Random Thoughts: {none}
Thursday, August 15, 2002, 10:30 p.m.

Hey! I just realized! I'm going into depression! Cool! I've been disgusting cheerful for months! Now I can mope around and get some work done! *goes off to be depressedly happy for a bit*

Keiko | trying to be ordinary

For everything that hurts me, who will apologize?
Playlist: {none}
Random Thoughts: {none}
Thursday, August 15, 2002, 10:28 p.m.

I've been dreaming a lot again. It's nice, to just sleep and dream. I wish my life was like Kakyou's, just sleeping, and dreaming. He gets to sit in his own private dreamscape. =P I want that. I don't want to wake up.

Keiko | trying to be ordinary

For everything that hurts me, who will apologize?
Playlist: {none} music has, for the moment, ceased to hold my interest
Random Thoughts: I'm on such a heavy self-pity trip...
Thursday, August 15, 2002, 10:13 p.m.

-Poem by Stephen Crane-
In the desert I saw a creature, naked, bestial,
who, squatting upon the ground,
Held his heart in his hands,
And ate of it.
I said, "Is it good, friend?"
"It is bitter, bitter," he answered;
"But I like it
Because it is bitter,
And because it is my heart."

Yeah, so that's how I feel right now. Like that creature, eating his own heart BECAUSE it is his heart... Hmm, I think I'm very self-destructive when I want to be...

Keiko | trying to be ordinary

For everything that hurts me, who will apologize?
Playlist: I Will Always Love You - Whitney Houston
Random Thoughts: {none}
Wednesday, August 14, 2002, 07:34 p.m.

Archived, duh.

Keiko | trying to be ordinary